1. Be
Depressed Upright (or Prepare For the Voices)
Robert Wicks, psychologist and author of the
bestselling book Riding the Dragon, has
debriefed professionals in Cambodia following years of torture and was
responsible for the psychological debriefing of relief workers evacuated from
Rwanda during the country’s bloody civil war. I figured he would be a good one
to ask about the bed debacle.
“A depressed person did say to me, ‘I couldn't
do anything you asked in our last session. I was too depressed to get out of bed,’”
Wicks told me. “I said, ‘Ah, that is my fault. I should have cautioned
you that those voices would be there and to respond by saying: Yes, I
am depressed but I am going to be depressed outside. Activity and
depression don't like to live together.”
When I really don’t want to do something, I try my best to stop
the cerebral activity known as thinking, put myself in automatic mode, and "just show up," as
a running coach once told me. Preparing in advance for these thoughts is also
helpful, like Wicks said, so you won’t be taken off guard when they try to
manipulate you to stay under the covers. And once your body is in motion, it is
much easier to keep it in motion.
2. Just
Make It to the Shower (or Break Things Down Into Tiny Steps)
My standard
words of advice to anyone who is heading into the Great Hole of Depression is
this: “Take it 15 minutes at a time. No more than that." Because every
time I do just that — think about only those things that need to be handled in
the next 900 seconds — I breathe a sigh of relief and can sometimes even touch
an edge of hope.
Michelle, from Project Beyond Blue, uses the same system to get
herself out of bed. I thought her self-talk was worth passing on to others:
"What
works for me on bad days is to break things down into tiny, tiny steps. So I
started saying to myself, 'I don't have to go to work, I just need to get into
the shower.' Then, 'I don't have to go to work, I just need to eat some breakfast.'
Then, 'I don't have to go to work, I just have to brush my teeth.' Then,
'I don't have to go to work, I just need to get on the train.' It made me
feel like I could back out as soon as something became too much, and I would
usually end up at work by taking it slowly like this. It sounds insane and
overly simple, but it did make a big difference for me when I struggled to get
out of bed."
3.
Bribe Yourself
Laurie, from
the community, gets herself out of bed by reminding herself how much better she’ll
feel after coffee, and by recalling how much she loves to listen to music on
her iPod on the ride in. Her wisdom reminded me of the tricks that Ben, my
85-year-old running buddy (I’m a slow runner), used to pull out to get me to
jog 18 miles as we trained for a marathon. An hour or so before our run, he
would plot out the course and hide bonbons and refreshments behind the trees
every two miles. Toward the end, when I didn’t think I could run any further,
all I had to do was visualize the watermelon Jolly Ranchers at the next stop.
And I wondered why running made me gain weight.
4. Get a Reason (or a Purpose)
I apologize
in advance for the irate comments this point will probably provoke: “You think
it’s my choice to be depressed?” “You think I’m in bed because I don’t have a
reason to get up?” Well, no. I know of people with psychomotor
impairment who literally cannot get out of bed without help.
However, I also know that most of the people who responded to this question —
how to get out of bed — told me that they needed something to do to get them
vertical in the morning. Even though they hatehaving to get up
at some ungodly hour five times a week for a job they don’t love, they are glad
they have the job, because their work gives them the structure that is critical
to their recovery.
When my mom
was trying to climb out of her darkness, a therapist recommended she get a job
— any kind of job — to get her mind off of her sadness. So she became a hostess
at nice restaurant, and worked the late breakfast and lunch shift. I believe
that was the beginning of her healing process. I know it made for much happier
kids. It doesn’t have to be a 9-to-5 stressful job, of course. Agreeing to look
after an elderly neighbor or take care of a friend’s pet, or volunteering your
time at the Boys & Girls Club can give you a sense of purpose that demands
rising from your bed.
Join the conversation "Getting
Out of Bed in the Morning" on Project Beyond Blue,
the new depression community.